Maya Blair iDiary, Oct. 1
Dear Diary. I hope I'm doing this right. My name is Maya
Blair, and this is my diary, entry one. I just wish I knew where to start. I
mean, who would ever believe ghosts and wizards and –
Yo, Maya! Whatchya doing? I thought we were hitting the mall
today.
Hey, Lucy. Yeah. I was just trying out this new diary app on
my phone. I want to put down everything that happened with Blake and Gavin.
You're doing your diary on your phone? Like, that's weird.
What if someone steals your phone? Or hacks it? Hey, you don't have nude
selfies on there, too, do ya? Let me see.
Get away! No, I don't have pictures like that.
Too bad. I do. Wanna see?
No! Anyway, I wanted to remember everything that happened to
us, and this is easier than writing it down. Or at least I thought it was. What
do I say?
How the hell should I know? I don't even like thinking about
it. We almost died in that stupid museum. You sure you don't have any pictures
of Blake? I'll bet he looks hot with no—
He's a ghost, remember? He doesn't even show up in pictures
unless I'm touching him. And we've never been naked together.
A situation I keep telling you to change. Hey, I've got an
idea. I'll ask questions and you answer, like an interview. Gimme the phone.
All right, ready?
I don't know. I feel stupid. Let's just—
This is Lucy Patton, with K-Boring News. I'm here with Maya
Blair, famous ghost hunter.
I'm not a ghost hunter. Give me back—
Hi. I thought we were going to the mall?
Blake! God, how many times have I told you not to barge in
like that?
Sorry. But your parents weren't home, and I heard Lucy all
the way from downstairs.
Hi, short, cute, and ghostly.
Hi, Lucy. What were you doing?
Interviewing Maya for her diary. This is perfect. I'll do
both of you.
Why is she winking at me?
Ignore her, Blake. It's just her filthy mind at work again.
Okay, this is Lucy Patton interviewing Maya Blair and Blake Hennessy.
Tell me, Maya, how did you two first meet?
We were at the museum, at the Black Lady exhibit. I saw him
standing off to the side, and we started talking.
I was watching her for a while. I had no idea she could see
me.
Perv. You weren't doing anything else, were you? Like—
Lucy....
Never mind. So, what's it like dating a ghost?
What does that have to do with anything?
Just answer the question, girl.
Um, it's weird.
What?
Sorry, but it is. I mean, it's fun and all, and we have a
good time, but it's not like there aren't issues. You can't come over for
dinner, you can't ring the doorbell, I can't get up and leave the room when
you're there. Hell, I can't even go to the bathroom at the bowling alley
without you pretending you have to go, too. People think it's totally weird.
For the record, can you tell Dear Diary why?
Because if I get more than a few feet away from him, he
loses his solid form and disappears. That's part of my power as a Seer.
And a Seer is like a ghost whisperer.
God, I hate it when you call me that!
Well, you talk to ghosts. Although I guess with your voice,
it should be ghost shouter.
I don't shout. And I don't just talk to ghosts. There's a
difference, and you know it.
Yeah, yeah, blah blah. You can see ghosts like they're real
people, and when they get close to you, other people can see them, too.
And if I'm touching them, they become solid. And that's the
major problem. I have to keep touching Blake, or at least be right next to him,
so that he seems real to my parents or anyone else. And since my parents don't
know he's a ghost, they get all freaked that I won't leave Blake's side. My dad
thinks Blake's only interested in getting into my pants and my mom keeps
telling me I'm too young to get so serious.
I'm sorry.
Don't be, there's nothing you can do. It's just, like,
exasperating sometimes, you know?
At least a few of your friends know he's not real.
I am real. I'm just a ghost.
Whatever. To me, you're no different than any other guy. Hot
to look at, but you can't be depended on for anything.
Lucy!
Hey, you know I'm right. He wasn't much help that night in
the museum.
Gavin was a warlock, for god's sake, not an ordinary ghost.
I think Blake did a pretty good job protecting me. And you.
All I know is, if it wasn't for you, we'd all be dead right
now. Sucked into some freaky portal to another world. I still have nightmares,
thank you very much.
So do I.
Okay, so let's change the subject. Blake, you died when you
were seventeen, a year older than Maya is now. What did you do for fun when you
were alive?
Hey, this is my diary.
And you're dull. Blake, answer the question.
Um, I guess the usual things. Kick the can. Trussed fowl.
Mumbly peg. Sometimes we'd ride bikes to the river and go fishing. But I didn't
really have a lot of time for that. I had school, and chores. And I had to help
my father capture Gavin.
Oh, Lord help me. You're as dull as Maya. No wonder you two
make such a good pair.
Sorry, we can't all be party animals like you, Lucy.
What can I say? I've got the goods, I've got the 'tude. Life
is supposed to be fun.
Can we get back to me, now?
Sure thing, bitch. Tell me, how has being a Seer changed
your life?
Huh. I, uh, I never really thought about it. Before I met
Blake, and then the whole thing with Gavin Hamlin's ghost trying to raise
demons and all, the only ghost I knew was my Grandma Elsa. We talked all the
time. Still do. She was a Seer, too, when she was alive. I guess I'm still
trying to get used to it. Hopefully I won't meet any other evil spirits.
That's sooo fascinating. Blake, back to you. Why haven't you
and Maya done the dirty yet?
Lucy!
Let go! I'm the interviewer here. Diaries are all about sex.
So when are you two gonna have some?
I'm not talking about this, and neither is he.
Let him speak for himself. Blake, you know Maya's a hottie.
Almost as hot as me. So when are you going to –
Naa naa naaa naaa! I can't hear you!
Shut up, Miss Prude. Blake?
Um, er, I—
Is it because once she gives it up, she'll never be able to
make you human?
Uh, I guess that's part of it. We haven't decided if I
should stay a ghost or not, and in order for a Seer's blood to bring a ghost
back to life, she does need to be a virgin, so—
Stop! Why does every conversation end up being about me not
having sex?
What else are we gonna talk about? Give up the booty already!
Ignore her, Blake. She's trash.
Trash ain't so bad. At least I don't spend my nights all
tense because I never – ow!
Dear Diary. It's official. Lucy Patton is a slut. And she
farts in class when she thinks nobody knows.
That's not true! I don't care if anyone knows.
Maybe we should just go to the mall.
Good idea, Blake. Stu and the others are waiting. And I hear
Victoria's Secret is having a sale on panties. You can watch Maya try some on.
Lucy...
Oh, like he's never peeked at you while you're getting
undressed. He's a guy, even if he's been dead for more than a century. Right,
Blake? You must have seen those boobs a hundred—
Blake, don't answer that.
Whatever. You two keep pretending you're not gonna end up
knocking boots. Me, I've more important things to worry about. Halloween's
coming, and I need to find a sleazy witch outfit for Stu's party.
Great. I just hope you're the only witch we see. Dealing
with a warlock was bad enough. I don't need to go through that again.
Amen, sister. Now get your ass shaking. We have shopping to
do!
Click
No comments:
Post a Comment