Interviewer: It’s so nice to finally be able to meet you all! Since you’re here, do you mind if I ask each you a few questions?
Tristan: I thought we’d already established that’s why we were here in the first place.
Claire: Easy, Pierce. He’s only trying to do his job.
Emma: Yeah, Tristan. No need to take everything personally.
Tristan: Who said I’m taking this personally?
Evin: [raising eyebrow] Really, man?
Interviewer: Okay…well…back to the interview. First question: you all have great hair. What kind of product do you use?
Tristan: Product? Do you really think I’d waste the time fixing my hair every morning?
Evin: I thought you purposefully aimed for that whole bedhead thing?
Claire: That would imply that Tristan actually has a sense of fashion.
Interviewer: So…no product.
Claire: [tossing hair] This mane is au natural.
Interviewer: Do any of you have any hobbies?
Tristan: Does killing things count?
Emma: You really need to get out more.
Tristan: I get out all the time.
Evin: I think she meant “get out more” as “you really need to socialize more often and kill less.”
Claire: [ignoring others] I like to design clothes.
Interviewer: Really? Are you wearing anything right now that you’ve designed?
Claire: [blushing] Maybe, but I don’t think I can tell you what.
Interviewer: [also blushing]...Okay. Never mind.
Evin: [manically grinning] Now I’m curious.
Tristan: Are we done yet?
Interviewer: Not yet. Tell me about the love life as students. Are any of you in a romantic relationship?
Evin: Why, do you want my number?
Evin: Kidding. Again. But to answer your question, I am seeing someone right now.
Interviewer: Oh yeah? What’s her name?
Evin: Who said anything about them being a her?
Tristan: That certainly would explain a lot…
Interviewer: Oh, well, what’s his name?
Evin: Jumping to conclusions about me, are we?
Interviewer: I’m so confused right now…
Evin: [chuckling] It is a she. And I would tell you her name, but she wants me to keep our relationship under wraps for now. [Looks at Claire]
Interviewer: Is she embarrassed of you?
Evin: [scoffing] Of course not!
Claire: Your girlfriend may think otherwise.
Interviewer: What about you two? Emma? Tristan?
Emma: [uncomfortable cough] Er…
Tristan: Did you not just hear the part about me not having time to fix my hair? Why would I have any more time for dating?
Interviewer: Surely you—
Tristan: Next question, please.
Interviewer: Are you always this short-tempered?
Evin, Emma, and Claire: [simultaneously] Yes.
Tristan: I just don’t like to waste my time on stupid questions.
Interviewer: My questions aren’t stupid!
Tristan: The bloody hell they’re not.
Interviewer: That’s it, Tristan. We’re done now.
Tristan: [exits room]
Emma: Don’t take it personally. Tristan hates everyone.