In keeping with that theme, and in an attempt to help you guys get to know me, I proudly present…
The Last Five Things Conner Would Do If The World Was Ending!!!!
(I know, it’s exciting. Try to hold your composure.)
5) One Last S’mores
Don’t look at me like that. S’mores aren’t just food. They’re an experience. It’s like all of your friends became food form and smooshed themselves together. There’s you’re hot mess friend who you have to pick up from the bar every Saturday (she’s the chocolate). Your bitchy friend who’s all like “I don’t know why people just can’t say what they mean and mean what they say” (unsurprisingly, she’s the hard dry graham cracker). And you, you’re the fluffy delicious marshmallow; the only thing that could bring them together. So go ahead, spend some time with them around the campfire. After all, the world is ending.
4) Audition for the Voice
Here’s something you should know about Conner (other than the fact that he speaks about himself in the third person), he can’t sing; not a note, not a lick, not to save his life. So you may ask, why Conner, would you want to audition for the Voice.
…funny you should ask.
Every day I try to do something that I’ve never done before. This philosophy has led me to swimming in a business suit, eating jalapenos whole, and making a speech at a wedding I crashed. After that, the voice doesn’t scare me.
Besides, Taylor Swift might be there, which leads me to…
3) Get Taylor Swift to Write a Song about Me
I’m reasonably sure that whatever destroys the world will leave three things; cockroaches, Cher, and the music of Taylor Swift. Is it too much to ask to be memorialized as either a two timing playa who doesn’t care about anybody but himself or a saintly put upon guy whose timing was off by just a little? I think not.
Come on Taylor, I’m waiting.
2) Get Married
Taylor might get to write the song, but somebody else gets my heart. And if the world was ending, I’d put a ring on her finger so fast it’d make her head spin.
1) Get Through One of These Things Without Shamelessly Promoting My Book
Oh well. There’s always next time.
…or is there?