Maya Blair iDiary, Oct. 1
Dear Diary. I hope I'm doing this right. My name is Maya Blair, and this is my diary, entry one. I just wish I knew where to start. I mean, who would ever believe ghosts and wizards and –
Yo, Maya! Whatchya doing? I thought we were hitting the mall today.
Hey, Lucy. Yeah. I was just trying out this new diary app on my phone. I want to put down everything that happened with Blake and Gavin.
You're doing your diary on your phone? Like, that's weird. What if someone steals your phone? Or hacks it? Hey, you don't have nude selfies on there, too, do ya? Let me see.
Get away! No, I don't have pictures like that.
Too bad. I do. Wanna see?
No! Anyway, I wanted to remember everything that happened to us, and this is easier than writing it down. Or at least I thought it was. What do I say?
How the hell should I know? I don't even like thinking about it. We almost died in that stupid museum. You sure you don't have any pictures of Blake? I'll bet he looks hot with no—
He's a ghost, remember? He doesn't even show up in pictures unless I'm touching him. And we've never been naked together.
A situation I keep telling you to change. Hey, I've got an idea. I'll ask questions and you answer, like an interview. Gimme the phone. All right, ready?
I don't know. I feel stupid. Let's just—
This is Lucy Patton, with K-Boring News. I'm here with Maya Blair, famous ghost hunter.
I'm not a ghost hunter. Give me back—
Hi. I thought we were going to the mall?
Blake! God, how many times have I told you not to barge in like that?
Sorry. But your parents weren't home, and I heard Lucy all the way from downstairs.
Hi, short, cute, and ghostly.
Hi, Lucy. What were you doing?
Interviewing Maya for her diary. This is perfect. I'll do both of you.
Why is she winking at me?
Ignore her, Blake. It's just her filthy mind at work again.
Okay, this is Lucy Patton interviewing Maya Blair and Blake Hennessy. Tell me, Maya, how did you two first meet?
We were at the museum, at the Black Lady exhibit. I saw him standing off to the side, and we started talking.
I was watching her for a while. I had no idea she could see me.
Perv. You weren't doing anything else, were you? Like—
Never mind. So, what's it like dating a ghost?
What does that have to do with anything?
Just answer the question, girl.
Um, it's weird.
Sorry, but it is. I mean, it's fun and all, and we have a good time, but it's not like there aren't issues. You can't come over for dinner, you can't ring the doorbell, I can't get up and leave the room when you're there. Hell, I can't even go to the bathroom at the bowling alley without you pretending you have to go, too. People think it's totally weird.
For the record, can you tell Dear Diary why?
Because if I get more than a few feet away from him, he loses his solid form and disappears. That's part of my power as a Seer.
And a Seer is like a ghost whisperer.
God, I hate it when you call me that!
Well, you talk to ghosts. Although I guess with your voice, it should be ghost shouter.
I don't shout. And I don't just talk to ghosts. There's a difference, and you know it.
Yeah, yeah, blah blah. You can see ghosts like they're real people, and when they get close to you, other people can see them, too.
And if I'm touching them, they become solid. And that's the major problem. I have to keep touching Blake, or at least be right next to him, so that he seems real to my parents or anyone else. And since my parents don't know he's a ghost, they get all freaked that I won't leave Blake's side. My dad thinks Blake's only interested in getting into my pants and my mom keeps telling me I'm too young to get so serious.
Don't be, there's nothing you can do. It's just, like, exasperating sometimes, you know?
At least a few of your friends know he's not real.
I am real. I'm just a ghost.
Whatever. To me, you're no different than any other guy. Hot to look at, but you can't be depended on for anything.
Hey, you know I'm right. He wasn't much help that night in the museum.
Gavin was a warlock, for god's sake, not an ordinary ghost. I think Blake did a pretty good job protecting me. And you.
All I know is, if it wasn't for you, we'd all be dead right now. Sucked into some freaky portal to another world. I still have nightmares, thank you very much.
So do I.
Okay, so let's change the subject. Blake, you died when you were seventeen, a year older than Maya is now. What did you do for fun when you were alive?
Hey, this is my diary.
And you're dull. Blake, answer the question.
Um, I guess the usual things. Kick the can. Trussed fowl. Mumbly peg. Sometimes we'd ride bikes to the river and go fishing. But I didn't really have a lot of time for that. I had school, and chores. And I had to help my father capture Gavin.
Oh, Lord help me. You're as dull as Maya. No wonder you two make such a good pair.
Sorry, we can't all be party animals like you, Lucy.
What can I say? I've got the goods, I've got the 'tude. Life is supposed to be fun.
Can we get back to me, now?
Sure thing, bitch. Tell me, how has being a Seer changed your life?
Huh. I, uh, I never really thought about it. Before I met Blake, and then the whole thing with Gavin Hamlin's ghost trying to raise demons and all, the only ghost I knew was my Grandma Elsa. We talked all the time. Still do. She was a Seer, too, when she was alive. I guess I'm still trying to get used to it. Hopefully I won't meet any other evil spirits.
That's sooo fascinating. Blake, back to you. Why haven't you and Maya done the dirty yet?
Let go! I'm the interviewer here. Diaries are all about sex. So when are you two gonna have some?
I'm not talking about this, and neither is he.
Let him speak for himself. Blake, you know Maya's a hottie. Almost as hot as me. So when are you going to –
Naa naa naaa naaa! I can't hear you!
Shut up, Miss Prude. Blake?
Um, er, I—
Is it because once she gives it up, she'll never be able to make you human?
Uh, I guess that's part of it. We haven't decided if I should stay a ghost or not, and in order for a Seer's blood to bring a ghost back to life, she does need to be a virgin, so—
Stop! Why does every conversation end up being about me not having sex?
What else are we gonna talk about? Give up the booty already!
Ignore her, Blake. She's trash.
Trash ain't so bad. At least I don't spend my nights all tense because I never – ow!
Dear Diary. It's official. Lucy Patton is a slut. And she farts in class when she thinks nobody knows.
That's not true! I don't care if anyone knows.
Maybe we should just go to the mall.
Good idea, Blake. Stu and the others are waiting. And I hear Victoria's Secret is having a sale on panties. You can watch Maya try some on.
Oh, like he's never peeked at you while you're getting undressed. He's a guy, even if he's been dead for more than a century. Right, Blake? You must have seen those boobs a hundred—
Blake, don't answer that.
Whatever. You two keep pretending you're not gonna end up knocking boots. Me, I've more important things to worry about. Halloween's coming, and I need to find a sleazy witch outfit for Stu's party.
Great. I just hope you're the only witch we see. Dealing with a warlock was bad enough. I don't need to go through that again.
Amen, sister. Now get your ass shaking. We have shopping to do!