An interview with Falcon and Nellie from the Love and Skate series.
Lila: Okay, guys, so everyone wants to know what’s up with you two. How was it to hear Cyrus’ story in The Second Jam.
Falcon: Yeah, Hellie, how was it to read Cyrus making out with Bea? Do tell.
Falcon crosses one leg over the other and taps his chin with his forefinger. It’s incredibly endearing.
Nellie: Why don’t you keep your commentary to yourself, Bird Boy? I didn’t read it, actually. For the record, I won’t read Cybill’s book either. I can’t even with my kids and making out with people.
Falcon: I hate when you say that shit. ‘I can’t even.’
Nellie: I hate when you breathe.
Lila: Wow. So, Scout’s story is up next. Will you read that one?
Falcon: I’ll get Reed to tell me the gist. Poor Scout. Who is she ever going to find that puts up with her spewing random facts like a human computer? And when she gets on those tangents—heaven help whoever is on the receiving end.
Nellie: Remember the time I said something about fortune cookies and she vomited out the history of how fortune cookies were an American invention? I think I fell asleep halfway through that one. Nixon always just stares at her like he can’t believe that much bullshit sprouted from his loins.
Falcon: Well, Owen came from my parents, so miracles happen every day.
Nellie pulls at his ever shortening Mohawk.
Nellie: Shut up. That’s my husband you’re talking about.
Lila: Okay, okay, you two. Let’s move on. Nellie, how is it to be a coach now instead of a player?
Nellie: You mean how is it to scream and tell people what to do? It’s like heaven.
Falcon rolls his eyes.
Lila: Falcon, how is Reed? How are the twins?
Falcon: Reed is fine. She’s with Scout right now. They are college shopping, whatever that means. When I was in college, there was no shopping. I ate Ramen and studied—period.
Nellie: You’re a boy.
Falcon: Well, that must be where Scout gets her genius. Good girl. Yes, I am a boy. Anyway, the twins are some kind of teenaged monsters. They have posters of Six Stop Signs and Four Minutes of Spring on their walls. They’re addicted to IG, whatever in the hell that is. I threatened to put their phones in the freezer last night.
Nellie: It’s One Direction and Five Seconds of Summer. And they say you’re the smart one.
Falcon: At least I can balance my checkbook.
Nellie: That’s two, Hawkeye. Don’t make me beat your ass again.
Falcon: Please. I just didn’t want to embarrass you.
Nellie: Yeah, right.
Lila: Let’s talk movies. Have you seen they are remaking Jem and the Holograms?
Falcon: Ugh. They ruinses the precious.
Nellie: They should’ve cast me as Pizzaz. Seriously, I would’ve been so kick ass at that.
Falcon: I could’ve made a great Rio.
Nellie: Now it’s ruined. But…they really need to remake She-Ra. I’m dying for that one.
Falcon: You can’t have She-Ra without He-Man.
Nellie: Were they together?
Falcon: Eeew, they were like cousins. No, wait, they were brother and sister. It was a Luke and Leia deal for a while.
Nellie: Either way. It needs to be done. Okay, my turn. Lila, tell us who Scout is gonna fall for. That way, I can warn everyone and the brothers can give him a nice little talking to.
Lila: I’m never telling you now. You’ll have to read the book. Anyway, it’s too late. They’re together now. And Scout’s already fallen—hard.
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